Being a Christian. It’s Not About…

…eggs, chocolate, or bunny rabbits. Resurrection Sunday is about Jesus Christ rising from the dead on the third day and defeating death to pay for OUR sins – past, present, and future.

…Santa Claus, expensive presents, stress shopping, or getting time off work. It’s about celebrating the birth of Christ because without His birth, there would be no prophecies fulfilled, no sacrifice for our sins (even the ones no one else knows about), and no hope for eternity in Heaven.

…many ways to God. There is only one way to God and that is Jesus. Yes, it’s narrow – He said it himself. Jesus is the only son of God, the only perfect sacrifice for our sins and the only willing person to do it for us, even when we didn’t deserve it or want it. “No one comes to the Father except through me.”

…intolerance. It’s about trusting in God’s word to tell us what is good and right in His eyes through the Bible. We love everyone and respect their point of view, but we still look to God for the final word. On everything. Even if it’s hard. Or not popular.

…rules. It’s about understanding God’s Moral Laws that tell us right from wrong. We look to His counsel first before we consider any other. We know that every breath we take is because He gives it to us and our families, our lives, our comforts – all come from Him.

…going through the motions. Showing up at church on Sunday, “sleeping” through service, and forgetting about God for the rest of the week is a watered down spiritual disservice to ourselves. If God is alive in us, He is with us every minute of every day. Conversations with God are just as easy in a car or in line at the grocery store as they are at church.

…making God pay for the idiot actions of someone who acted ungodly. It’s not about taking revenge on God because someone who “claimed” to be a Christian was cruel, or misrepresented Him, or pursued an agenda under His name.

…making God pay for the actions of a bad church. Church is where two or more true believers are gathered, it’s not a building. It’s a coming together of the faithful. Hypocrites and liars can just as easily sit on a church pew as they can on a bus.

…hate. A true Christian does not hate, he loves. Despite adversity. Despite mockery. Despite circumstance and politics. He may not agree, but he does not hate. Do not misinterpret a view that is not the same as yours as “hate.”

…peace, love, and joy. There is no magic pill that you take once you become a Christian that makes your life “easy.” It’s the opposite, because you now understand that your beliefs no longer match the “feel good doctrine” of this world and, as Jesus said, you WILL have troubles. It’s not about bailing on Jesus the moment your life gets complicated and you wonder why He doesn’t just fix it for you. It’s about endurance. And faith. And being gut-wrenchingly honest that the majority of those troubles, you actively helped yourself get into.

…being perfect. It’s about Grace. God’s grace. It’s about owning up to sins (from “white lies” to stealing to not honoring your parents – and no one on this planet has not done this), understanding that we have not sinned against each other, but against God himself, the creator of the universe and before Him, we are truly guilty. It’s about understanding that by breaking just one of His laws, we have sinned, and over our lifetimes that’s not just once, it’s thousands of times. It’s about holding on to the fact that despite our sins, Jesus died for us so that we could be right with God.

…them killing Jesus. Jesus was a willing participant every step of the way. He knew His role and he took it upon Himself to die for me and for you.

…doing more good than bad and hoping to get to Heaven. Trying to “do good things” so you can “even out the scales” is like trying to bribe a judge. If you did wrong, all the nice things you did in your life do not eclipse the fact that you have broken the law. You still have to pay for your crime. If you were able to bribe God, He wouldn’t be God.

…actions and rituals. Going to church, being christened, wearing a cross, or owning a Bible does not make you a Christian any more than throwing on a lab coat makes you a doctor. God knows what is truly in your heart. He knows if you feel the full weight of the wrong things you’ve done and if you’ve realized that you are helpless under his judgment. He knows if you have truly understood and accepted the weighty sacrifice that Jesus made for you on the cross. The people of the world may be fooled by your rituals and good deeds, but God is not.

…fluffy clouds and angel wings. It’s about an eternity with the creator of the universe, the goodness and power of God, and being with Him every day forever. And ever.

…fantasies and wishes. It’s about real events that have been documented in a book that has outsold any other book in history. It is about the Old Testament driving inexorably towards the New, quietly revealing Jesus in every page. It is a book that will elude many who read its words because their hearts are hard and they refuse to believe. It is a book that is a comfort to millions because they believe and understand and see its incredible value. It is THE source of information on the character of God and man and His love for us.

…a tragedy. It is about a wondrous and everlasting hope that every single person can have in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

…mountains of data before a decision. Not deciding to live for Christ is denying Him. “Not now” is an answer – it’s “no.” It’s not about fighting over the minutiae – it’s about trust and belief. Faith. But not blind faith. Anyone can pick apart something if they truly are in a mind to do it. The leap of faith first, THEN comes the reward. Not the other way around.

…doing cruel things in defense of God. It’s about persevering and being patient in His name. It’s about letting Him be the judge, not us. It’s about prayer and love, in spite of how ugly other people can be “in the name of religion.” I submit to you that many of the things done in the name of religion were done by zealots, not Christians.

…us being God. We’re not. We will never be God. We are created in His image, but we are not Him. We can’t speak for Him. We can’t pretend to know what His intentions are. We can’t fit Him to be what WE want. He is God. We can accept Him or reject Him. We can love Him or hate Him. We can even pretend that He does not exist. But we will never BE him.

…running the endless treadmill trying to please God. We can’t. There is nothing we can give Him that he does not already have. He can’t be bought or bribed. He can’t ignore sins and he can’t go against His own good nature. What we can do, is gratefully accept the sacrifice He has provided for us so that we can be right with Him.

…long and drawn-out prayers which say more about our need to be the center of attention. God knows what we need. He knows our pain and our struggles. He doesn’t care about Shakespearean orations, He just wants our honesty. Our gut honesty. We can’t hide from Him. We should run to Him when life gets hard, not run to a bottle, a warm body, a handful of pills, or a new “toy.” Sin is pleasurable for a seaon, and then it takes it’s pound of flesh. Again. And again. And again.

…getting it right before going to God. It’s about coming to Him right now. Right as you are. Broken. Weak. Tired. Frustrated. Hopeless. If we waited until we had our lives together, we’d never seek Him in the first place.

…politics and culture. Culture and politics reflect the tone of the day, and that is rarely in agreement with God’s will because no matter how well meaning, these are human agendas and, thus, selfish by nature. We value money, fame, status, and keeping up with the Jones’ over sacrifice, humility, grace, and giving. We value the stars of television and sports over the word of God. We look to Oprah before we look to the words of Jesus.

…the path of least resistance. We are sinners and our primary objective will be to do what we want, sometimes at the cost of others, sometimes at the cost of much more. We can justify and play the victim, and try to explain away our actions as “not as bad” as that other guy, but when we stand in front of God, all those short cuts and slights we did along the way, there will be no one else to be compared to. It will be just us and just Him and his standard is high.

…saying we’re sorry to God. Everyone is sorry…when they get caught. We cannot stand in front of God on the Day of Judgment and apologize for the bad things we did when we were alive and hope we’ll skate by. By then, it’ll be too late. We had our chance. This is the age of communication. This is the age of information. Few have not heard about Jesus and His sacrifice. True ignorance is no longer an excuse for those of us in the western world. We let pride get in the way. We put God into a box that we find more “palatable” – one that doesn’t have us end up in Hell.

…judging others. We who are Christians know better than anyone how sinful we are. We understand that, in God’s eyes, sins carry equal weight from murder to adultery to lying (and 20 years ago sins are the same to God as sins we did that morning – lest anyone use that “I was a kid” excuse). We know how many times we have let Him down ourselves, so we – more than anyone – know that we are in no place to judge. Sharing, in love, what God says is not judgment if the person isn’t being a jerk about it. But conviction is uncomfortable, so if you feel convicted, that’s God speaking directly to your heart. Now is the time to start paying attention. God’s word and moral laws are for our instruction and information and should be shared with love. Not condemnation. We do not judge. God does. And, whether we like it or not, He will be the judge.

…cramming our beliefs down your throat. It’s about The Great Commission. This is what Jesus has asked believers to do – spread the word of His love and sacrifice to those living in a dark world. In love, we want every friend, family member, co-worker, and acquaintance to be standing in front of God and seeing his or her name in the Book of Life with us. We want to be able to stand in front of God and say, “This life you gave me, I passed on your message as best as I could. Some listened and some didn’t. But I passed it on.”

…being perfect. We want to be better people. We want to be growing in Christ every day, using His example as a beautiful example to live by, and that is hard. We don’t do it because we’re trying to “please” God or because we’re trying to be better than anyone else. We sincerely want to live a life that is a testament to the gift He has given us. We want to be a light to those who are still floundering in darkness.

…outdated ideas. It’s about timeless wisdom and a moral conscience that guides us daily. Jesus took many of the “internal” commandments (the ones others don’t see – but God does) and upped the ante. He said that even looking at woman with lust was committing adultery of the heart. Or hating our brother was committing murder in our heart. It’s not just about what we DO. It’s about what’s inside us. What we feel and think and plot, even while we smile and go about our business. It’s a good thing to honor your parents (not JUST obey them), it’s a good thing to not lie or cheat or steal. It’s a good thing to be faithful and to love God more than any other thing in your life. And when we do these things we’re not supposed to do, we feel bad. This is a God-given conscience that tells us we have sinned. Ever been lied to? How’s it feel? Ever been cheated? How does that feel? The backbone of our entire legal system is founded on these principles because they are good and solid principles.

…looking or acting a certain way. God created us as individuals in all shapes, sizes, and histories. We Christians are pearl-wearing, dress and gloves types, but we’re also tattooed, long-haired granola-munching Jesus freaks who play drums and guitar and love God with every fiber of our being. We do not fit into a stereotype found in Hollywood because we are individuals. But we are all united in our love for Jesus and our absolute trust in His sacrifice. Not just belief – believing doesn’t get us to Heaven, even Satan believes in Jesus.

…watering down the message so people will be more “comfortable.” As easy as it would be to say that God is all about peace, love, joy and nothing else so that seekers would come to church in droves, there are many aspects to God and some of them we may never understand this side of Heaven. Many will be turned off by the “harshness” they see that God is being. Many will see the truth of it and understand. But to only provide a cure (salvation), without showing people they have a disease (sin), the gift would be meaningless. If people don’t think they need a savior, why toss one at them? It’s only when we understand that we are ALL sinners, doomed to eternity apart from God, that we see the true value and love behind Jesus’ sacrifice.

…arguing. We believe and we trust in Jesus. We trust and believe that the Bible is true and accuruate. We believe and trust that Jonah was swallowed by a whale, that Noah built an ark, that Adam and Eve sinned in the garden of Eden and we have been living with sin ever since. We believe that Jesus was born, lived a sinless life, and willingly went to the cross to die for our sins. We believe that there are other viewpoints in the world and other religions and we admit that others will believe what they want. But we believe that Jesus is the only true way to God. There is no other way.

…worshipping the creation. It’s about worshipping the Creator. We loves us some trees and the universe and the stars and the heavens. But we do not worship them. They are not God. They have no power. God, the creator of these things is the one we worship. We do not “thank the Universe” because it can’t do anything. Only God has the power and authority to fix our lives and only God is worthy of our worship.

…looking strong. It’s about admitting weakness. Admitting failure. Admitting fear and hopelessness when things are falling apart. God is not a crutch. He is not a “last resort.” He is the first place we should turn when our lives spin out of control. There is no weakness in admitting defeat or failure. The weakness comes from pride and arrogance thinking that we know better than God and that we can fix things on our own. Because that’s worked so well for us in the past.

…Jesus being a good teacher and example of how to live our lives. Jesus SAID that he is God. He spoke of Hell. He spoke of ignorance and wickedness. He spoke of the last days. He spoke of how the world would despise those who trust in Him and who would die in His name. He is so much more than just the Sermon on the Mount.

…tomorrow. It’s about today. We are appointed to live once, die and then face judgment. There are no second chances, third times the charms, or multiple do-overs once we die. And we do not know when that is. This side of heaven is where our eternity is decided. We can ignore the truth, will it away, explain it away, and just pretend it is not so – but we WILL all die. After that, it is too late for a decision. If we tell God, “no thank you” in life, on Judgment Day, He will take us at our word. God does not send anyone to Hell. They choose it.

…scare tactics. It’s about the Good News. God showed us our disease and He provided a cure. All we have to do it take it. It’s free. It’s easy. It’s amazing. But it’s a choice. This is what Free Will is about. Free Will to choose God and Heaven and eternity or free will to decide they’re lies or garbage or fairy stories. We can choose to ignore the opportunity for a spirit-filled life, and daily assurance that we are God’s children and WILL go to be with Him in Heaven when we die.

We spend more time researching our next car than we do truly and honestly looking into a decision that will affect not just the next 20 years of our lives, but eternity. There is no measure to how long that is when you consider that our time on earth is like a drop in the bucket. With eyes, ears, and hearts wide open, look at the easiest decision in the world to make and make it. This is GOOD NEWS. And it doesn’t cost a dime. And it’s open and available to everyone and you don’t have to lift a finger to earn it.

The Ultimate Dad

It’s Father’s Day, so I felt like writing.

Imagine that you had the best father in the world.  From as long as you can remember, your father watched over you, protected you, loved you every minute of every day,  and taught you all the ways to be a kind, generous, and loving person.  Your father also gave you ground rules.  Now, he gave you these rules not because he wanted to take the fun out of your life, but to keep you safe and spare you pain.  He warned you not to go out of the yard (and watched you close, just in case), he showed you that even when your brother or sister made you angry, it was better to respond with forgiveness than revenge (even though you beat them up anyway).

Your father gave you every bit of knowledge that you needed to live a good life, not necessarily an easy one, but one with commitment, honor, integrity, and love.  Now, you’re a kid, so you know that kids don’t always listen to their dads.  You think dads are old and boring and they never let you do what you want to do.  Sometimes, you listen to your dad and sometimes you do your own thing, even when you know you shouldn’t.  Sometimes you get lucky (like when you don’t break your neck riding your bicycle straight down a staircase) and sometimes you don’t (like when you throw rocks at cars, one breaks a windshield, and you get caught in the act).

Does Dad stop loving you?  No.  He gets upset that you’ve made a  bad choice and is sad that your bad choice have hurt someone, but you know deep in your heart that he still loves you.  His love is like a safety net and, no matter what, your dad is the best dad in the world.  Some of his rules stink (like not staying out past dark or not letting you eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner five days in a row) and some make sense, like forks in the light socket thing.  You know this, because you tried it, and when you got shocked, it scared you and it hurt really really bad.  You wish you’d listened to your dad, but some mistakes you need to make on your own.  Hearing it from your parent just isn’t the same.

And then you got older.

Now you think you know better than Dad.  Dad’s really starting to annoy you because his rules go directly against what you want to do.  He says be nice to your little brother, and you hate your brother and want to hit him whenever you see him because he’s such a pain and Dad doesn’t see half of the things your punk brother does, so it just makes sense you’d make him pay to keep things even.  (Even though Dad doesn’t catch half the things you do either.)  You think that your dad’s ways are old-fashioned and stupid and no one thinks like that anymore.  Why should you do what Dad says when no one else around you does?  Dad’s way sucks.

You listen to your dad less and your friends more because what they’re saying makes sense and, if you’re honest with yourself, their way feels better because it’s fun.  You try to hide things from Dad because you don’t want to deal with the fallout (and the grounding), so you tell him what you think he wants to hear and you do whatever you want anyway.  Every once in a while, Dad nails you – right between the eyes  – and you’re grounded with extra chores, and no TV.  You rail against Dad and his stupid rules and you tell him to get out of your life and leave you alone.

Now you think you know everything there is to know.  You’ve been around, you’ve lived a little.  Oh, you are a smart one now.  Dad’s rules and authority are a distant memory, you’ve even told him so right to his face, and to anyone else who’d listen.  You don’t respect him because he doesn’t “get it” and, frankly, he’s a buzz kill.  In fact, the more he tries to tell you what to do, the more you want to do the opposite, just to make him mad (let’s be honest, because it’s probably fun).  Now you are fighting with Dad all the time.  Dad tells you to be home at eleven, you stay out until two.  Dad tells you that it’s dishonest to cheat on a test, you cheat because you don’t want to do the work, you just want the A.  Dad tells you that it’s mean to disrespect your friends by talking behind their back, but swapping the dirt is fun.  Totally harmless.

You’ve moved out and moved on.

You’ve gotten to a point where Dad’s opinion is the least important opinion in your life.  Things have gotten so bad that when you do see your dad, you tell him how useless he is, and how you want nothing to do with him.  In fact, just thinking about him and his rules makes you angry for no reason at all.  Not only do you not respect him at all, but you don’t even really like him that much.  You don’t call on Father’s Day and you rarely follow anything he’s taught you over the years anymore.  About the only time you do call is when you need money or help moving again, because your landlord was a jerk and evicted you just because you were a little late on rent (a few times).  Dad shows up, helps you out without asking questions,  and you’re off again.  There’s no real conversation because you know he’s disappointed in you and you don’t want to deal with the shame so you take off and resume avoiding him.

And then your choices catch up with you.

One night, you’re out drinking with your buddies, having a good time when things go from “great time” to “in a bad way” really quick.  A big crowd is outside the bar and you are joking around as you wander back to your cars when a fight breaks out.   Maybe your mouth got away from you (again) and you said and did a few things that you shouldn’t have.   Someone pulls a gun on you and before you have time to raise your hand and say, “What?  I didn’t do anything,” it goes off.

From out of nowhere, there’s Dad.  The dad you never listened to, the dad you never respected, the dad you hated for all his rules, the dad you told to stay out of your life.  Dad leaps in front of the gun, takes the bullet, and drops to the ground bleeding.  That bullet meant for you because of what you did.  Those great friends of yours scatter because no one wants to be around for this.  They know this will only end badly and they don’t want to be around when the cops show up.

You drop to your knees and hold Dad in your lap sobbing, blood trickles from his mouth and he’s gasping for air, and you beg him to hold on.  Tears stream unashamedly down your face, stinging your eyes and blurring your vision as you look down at him.  He looks you straight in the eye and though he has every right to say, “This is your fault,” he smiles through the pain and whispers, “I love you.  I’d do it again.”

He closes his eyes and dies.

All those horrible things you did, the way you treated him, the way you threw away his advice and his love despite that it was given with love and wisdom – they all come back to you.  You can’t imagine why he would take a bullet for you, especially after you treated him so badly, yet he did.

And then, the epiphany.

A moment comes in your life when you think, “Maybe my way wasn’t the best idea.  Maybe Dad had it right after all.  I mean, look at me, I’m miserable, I’m lost, and I have never felt so alone.”  So you drive back to Dad’s old house, which has been yours since he passed away, but you’ve never had the heart to visit.  You head up to the attic where Dad kept all the mementos from your life, even the ones you could have sworn you threw away.  You begin to sift through the boxes, and the memories come flooding back as you read the cards, the letters, smile at the trophies and groan at the report cards.  You even find the photo albums and the scrapbooks detailing all of your major and minor achievements, even some of the failures and you see that Dad was so incredibly proud of you.  He wrote in the scrapbook margins next to school projects or sports articles, “my warrior”, “my child”, “my genius”, “my joy”, “the future,” and you can almost imagine the dreams that Dad had for you.

And it hits you .  You understand.  As you read, you see the wisdom, the love, the sacrifice, and you get it.  You GET IT.

You realize that getting your way isn’t always the best idea; in fact, sometimes it’s a really bad one.  You realize that surrounding yourself with people who are only your friend until it’s inconvenient isn’t worth it.  You learn that pain has direction and Dad’s rules were an attempt to spare you from it most of the time.  You realize all of these things and, most of all, you realize that if you’d listened to your dad you wouldn’t have been out drinking to forget how badly that relationship with that person you barely knew went so wrong, and you probably wouldn’t have shot your mouth off to someone unwilling to put up with your crap.

You realize that you deserved that bullet.  Your dad didn’t, but he took it for you anyway, even after all the awful things you’d said and done.  You remember his words, “I love you.  I’d do it again,” and a light goes off in your head.  You fully understand what unconditional love is.

Your dad wanted the best life had to offer for you and you, in your selfish way, frittered it away.  All of the dreams he had for you of achieving something of worth with your time and energy was wasted in bars or in front of the television.  All of the ways he taught you to show kindness so that others could feel the same kind of love were wasted because you never showed it.  You taught a different kind of lessons;  you cut off people in traffic if they cut you off first, you assumed the worst intentions of others because it was what you’d do, and you’d never give unless there was something in it for you.

Right there, sitting in that dusty attic, you make the decision to start fresh.  Your way may have seemed good on the surface, but it wasn’t working, not really.   You decide to give Dad’s way a try and you take that first step in faith, like when you were a kid learning to ride a bike and you believed Dad when he said he’d catch you if the bike tipped (and it did and he did).  You listen for Dad’s voice and you hear it, and your heart is full, and you remember that you have the best Dad in the world.  Dad never said that life would be easy, in fact, Dad said that it would be a lot harder to live his way than your way, but he also said it would be worth it and that one day you would understand.

Dad was right.  So you took another step, listening for his voice to help guide you and there it was telling you when you were on the right path, or the wrong one.  Now, you try to live each day with the kind of love and compassion that Dad had, and some days you succeed and some days you fail, but you always pick yourself up and move on because you know that Dad never expected you to be perfect.  And he loved you, no matter what.  You learn not to expect it from others either and you now give the grace that you received from him (even when you were a pill).

Your heart doesn’t clench in shame when you hear your dad’s voice in your head because you know that you have the best dad in the world.  He’s your conscience and your cheering squad, your example and your guide, your rock and your lifeboat.  He is the one that loved you when you were unlovable and he took a bullet meant for you even when you hated him.  You remind yourself of his words when the pain of life is too much.

“I love you.  I’d do it again.”

Each night before you go to sleep, you note the way that your life has changed, you thank your dad for showing you the way, and you thank him for taking that bullet and giving you a second chance.  You wish that every friend, relative, co-worker, or stranger on the street had your dad.  Because your dad is best father in the world.

Melissa Bianco

Church In a Do-It-Yourself World

So I attended church this morning.  My family and I got up, we picked up my step-daughter’s friend, and drove to church. 

Religious Backlash

The Christian church has taken a few beatings lately, especially with the new Obama administration.  Abortion, embryonic stem cell research, Prop 8 – all of these things, biblically speaking, the church is against.   I’ve heard people describe church, Jesus, God, and church-goers as:

  • bigoted
  • hypocritical
  • narrow-minded
  • archaic
  • judgmental
  • useless
  • irrelevant
  • dangerous
  • bloated
  • money-grubbing (high-profile church leaders – usually associated with Jim Bakker, Oral Roberts, et al)
  • dominating
  • opinionated

The list goes on.  The church is too opinionated.  Why does the church get to tell me what to do.  Why is God even in the equation when it comes to affairs of the State.   The bible isn’t real anyway, and even if it were, look at all the brutality of the Old Testament – you call that a loving God??

I didn’t grow up a Christian.  I grew up in an alcoholic family of divorce.  I didn’t focus on God, I focused on being invisible and making sure everyone around me thought that my life was “just fine”.  I had no one to really rely on and I managed to eek out a pretty good existence with some issues here and there.  

From the outside looking in, God and the church and all those “believers” is incredibly daunting, as if they know something you don’t know.  They have “all the answers” and it’s irritating when they try to tell you what you’re doing wrong.  So it’s easy to be offended by that, as if they know what’s right for you.

I went to church today.  And this is what I got from a big group of “narrow-minded, antiquated, judgmental” people who believe in “something that probably doesn’t exist anyway”.

My pastor spoke about past hurts and how with Jesus’ sacrifice all those mistakes we’ve made, they’re gone.  Guilt?  That’s gone, too, because when you’re forgiven it’s not just for twenty minutes, it’s for life.  Judgment?    If you’re a believer, that’s not God whispering in your ear telling you didn’t earn it or deserve it, well, that comes from a whole different and much darker place. 

How can I possibly explain to someone who has never “let go” of their life and given it over to the Creator of the universe that trust is not a four-letter word?  How do I explain the kind of heart-shattering love that comes with knowing there is ONE person out there who loves you more than even you can imagine and has only the best plans for your life?  How can you put that into words to someone who thinks I’m weak because I believe in something that isn’t fully understandable, but is absolutely knowable? 

We did Communion today as a remembrance of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us and although it’s a little disconcerting to think about the trauma that Jesus went through for us (if you’ve seen The Passion of the Christ you have a very good idea of what it was probably like) so that we could be free of these very real, though intangible, chains that bind us and crush us and strangle us. 

I looked around as the choir sang Amazing Grace and I saw the Prayer Team, just regular people who love God and want to use their gift to help others, praying with people they didn’t even know in one big group until every single one of them had been prayed for.  I don’t know what the issues were, anything and everything.  Just because we believe in God doesn’t mean we’re not human, with the infinite capacity for making mistakes – even really big ones. 

Through my pastor, I heard what God thinks about my finances, how I should be a good steward of my money and becoming a slave to another lender.  Hear that, those of us who are in debt to credit card lenders?   I learned about how everything in life is cyclical and when pastor asked us who had ever  been in rough financial times to raise our hands, nearly 90% of the entire congregation did.  Know what that means?  It means we have been there.  It means there is no shame in needing help and it means that for those people who thought they were alone, well, they were wrong. 

Then pastor directed people to information about programs the church offered from Finance Seminars to Celebrate Recovery (like biblical 12-Step), to Hannah’s Hope Chest (free shopping if you can’t afford clothes, food, etc.), to Premarital Counseling and Marriage Seminars.  Do you know how much all of this costs to the people taking part in these church-sponsored activities?  Usually – nothing.  Maybe the cost of a workbook. 

You know who pays for all of that?  The people of the church who give their time, talent, and money to the church so that God can use it in a way that will be a blessing and aid to others.  Many people don’t agree with the church or what God says about many topics today.  In fact, when it comes to many issues, a lot of people don’t want to hear what God has to say.

Unbelievers – Before

  • God shouldn’t tell me what to do with my body
  • Sleeping around is my business, not anybody else’s
  • I get high,  so what?  It’s not hurting anyone
  • I don’t know what the big deal is, I lost my virginity when I was 12
  • The only person I gotta worry about is me
  • We need tolerance, but I can’t take what those Christians are preachin’, they shouldn’t be so narrow-minded
  • There is no God
  • What I achieve and what I have shows everybody how important I am
  • Religion is for suckers and weak people who can’t handle life

Unbelievers – After

  • I wish I hadn’t done it, I never knew it would be this hard – I still think about it
  • I’m pregnant / I thought he loved me, but he left me / I have a commnunicable disease / I feel used / It wasn’t worth it
  • I got busted / I got in an accident / I owe money to this guy… / I don’t feel like… / Whatever, who cares?
  • I wish I had waited / He was such a jerk, he told everyone / I didn’t love him / He pressured me / It wasn’t worth it
  • I wish I had someone to talk to / I’m lonely / Why don’t people like me? / Would anyone even care if I wasn’t here?
  • People should be able to believe whatever they want – except the Nazis, and the Christians, and those Jihad Muslims, and…
  • There is nothing but me.  Nothing.  But me. 
  • I’m exhausted / What if I fail? / What’s the next big thing? / Are they impressed? / Oh no, I failed, I’m losing it all.  I’m nobody.
  • I wish I had someone to share this burden with / Why doesn’t anyone even care? / How do I handle this on my own?

Believers – Before

  • I’m afraid, I don’t know what to do
  • I messed up – big time
  • I feel alone
  • I need wisdom and guidance
  • I’m hurting right now
  • I’m lost
  • What is my purpose?
  • How can I make a difference?
  • How do I share my gifts?
  • How can I turn my awful past into something that will help others?
  • What does God expect from me?

Believers – After

  • I prayed and even though I didn’t get the answer right away, you wouldn’t believe how God communicated to me…
  • I went to church and Pastor said that God has already forgiven us, we need to let it go and accept it.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me.
  • I joined a ministry, so now I help in the kitchen and I met some really great people / I joined a singles group and met my husband / I attended a seminar and met some…
  • I looked up a great passage in the Bible and it was so weird how it answered my question perfectly, I just needed the moral reminder to make the hard decision
  • I got a call from the girl in my Small Group and she said she saw me looking out of sorts so she felt compelled to call me, it was weird, but the timing of her call was so perfect
  • I felt really far away from God, I was doing some stuff I knew I shouldn’t be, maybe hiding from God, but I went to service and sat in the back and prayed and now I felt better – it was so dumb to try and hide from God, He knows what I’m up to, but just talking to Him and getting it out like that made me feel so much better
  • I never thought I could feel so alive and useful delivery home-cooked meals to someone who is bed-ridden, but the way she lights up every time I come over, if I were in her shoes, I’d want the same thing.  I feel like I make a difference and even though I’m exhausted, inside my heart I feel so energized!
  • I didn’t think it was a big deal donating that crib, but when I heard the story about the family who lost their home during the hurricane, it really showed me that even the small things make a difference
  • I joined a Ministry at church and now I greet people at every service and it is so wonderful to see how they go from nervous and confused about what to do, to smiling back and thanking me for showing them around.  I may have just led someone to their seat who could become a believer today.
  • I never in a million years would believe I’m telling the story of my life to an auditorium of over 5,000 people.  So many came up to me after the talk and said how they were experiencing exactly what I had. 
  • I always skated by on life before, I was never really very moral before and it really burned me, but now, I hold myself to a higher standard – Jesus’ standard – and even though I can’t be perfect all the time like He was, I know that when I am honest and trustworthy and sincere, that people see I’m someone who is decent inside and out.  I am someone that they can rely on and someone that they look up to. 

So I went to church today.  I saw people joyful loving and praising all the great things God has done for them.  I saw people in earnest prayer seeking God’s guidance and forgiveness for mistakes they’d made, mistakes they wanted to turn away from.  I saw people give and receive love from perfect strangers.  I saw tears of joy, heartache, relief, and sorrow.  I saw a community of people who collectively believe that they are not all they will ever have, that there is something/someone far bigger and more capable of handling the problems of their lives – and more than willing to do so, if they will let Him.

I saw a community of people who trust in God, as crazy and strange as it sounds, and I have seen miracles and wonders that He’s performed even in my life.   His way is not easy, it requires sacrifice, changes, moral inventory, walking away from things that – even though they feel “good” at the time – eventually sink their hooks and suck the life right out of us.  It’s a scary thing walking away from being free of moral responsiblity, believing in God, believing in Jesus and that He existed, and that the bible is true.  

But ultimately we have two choices:

  • live up to God’s word and standard and create a life of purpose and have guidance along the days of our lives
  • live down to the world’s standard, where everything is about you, you’re the only one that matters, and you are your own god

I went to church today and I learned just another wonderful lesson about life.  And my family did, too.

~Melissa

Love and Respect

 If I combine the years of marriage from my first and second marriage, the number is roughly 16.  And before that, I was dating from the time I was 15.  So, let’s do the math and tack on another 7.  Okay, so I’ve been in one “relationship” or another for approximately 23 years of my life.  That’s over half, people.

Now for the sad part. 

I never truly understood what it meant to be in a positive relationship.  Truth be told, I was carrying around some pretty serious baggage.  Let’s see if I can recount some of the previous ideas I had on dating / marriage:

  • If it feels good, do it
  • It’s fine as long as no people or animals get hurt
  • Only stay as long as it’s fun and easy
  • If the passion fades, it’s time to move on
  • If he truly knew or loved me, he’d know what I’m thinking
  • If I don’t show how much he’s hurt me, I win  (Ice Queen Syndrome)
  • Never lose your cool  (Ice Queen Syndrome, Part II)
  • Win the argument even if wrong, don’t accept responsibility for mistakes
  • My position is the one that matters
  • If he’s willing to be intimate with me that means he cares about me
  • If I can’t talk to him then I shouldn’t be with him
  • It’s not my fault I can’t say what’s bothering me, it’s from my past
  • My past is why I can’t …
  • My past is why I don’t …
  • My past is why he should …
  • Men will let me down
  • Men can’t be trusted
  • I will just keep this inside so his feelings don’t get hurt
  • My relationship should work, even if I don’t put any real energy into it
  • Love fades
  • If I’m not “in love” with him, I shouldn’t be with him
  • Love is an emotion not a verb
  • Can’t he see what I’ve done for him?
  • If a guy likes that kind of person, I’ll be that kind of person (even though it’s not who I am)  because I want him to like me

Admittedly, none of these philosophies has ever served me very well and I’ll tell you why.  My entire focal point was one of two things: 

  1. Everything is about me (or)
  2. Everything is about him.  

You can’t have a decent relationship with someone when they’re choking the life out of you, or you’re choking the life out of them.   There’s no room for growth and there’s definitely no room for effective communication.

Ah, that dreaded word:  communication.

It really is something you have to work at and, I’ll be brutally honest here,  I hate that.  I have always believed that if you’re meant to be with someone then communication should be easy.  Well, it’s not.  Really and truly it isn’t.  And there is a reason for it. 

Here’s the reason:

Men and women think, feel, and see the world very differently!

The Love and Respect Class I took at my church, combined with attending church on a regular basis, has really helped me pinpoint all the ridiculous notions I had about life, love and relationships and to learn some incredibly valuable (yet obvious!!!) lessons on making a marriage work.  Actually, this information isn’t just helpful for a spouse, it’s helpful for a male cousin, nephew, uncle, grandfather, etc.   Men need certain things from women when it comes to communication so this is helpful all over the place.

Before you sniff your nose up at the whole “church” and “God” aspect of things, hear me out.    There is a DVD set out there that you can watch in the privacy of your own home that will teach you about how to talk to your spouse, how to understand why your spouse does what he/she does, and how you can better communicate with them.  AND…it’ll give you the very real realization that your marriage isn’t doomed or lame when everyone else’s is great.  We all struggle with our mates, we were built to have conflict.  It is what it is.  But conflict is an opportunity to grow and to grow closer (believe it or not).

So, take a look at the video below for a real quick introduction to Dr. Eggerichs.

 

 

By the way, I didn’t even go looking for this class, this website, or this video.  My husband discovered it.  Women are usually the communicators, the talkers, the fixers and I managed to drop even that ball.  This series utterly changed the way I look at relationships and showed me just how far I had fallen as a mate because my ideals and expectations were completely unattainable and unrealistic.

If you want to see more, go to the Love and Respect website.  In particular, check out the Media section because that’s where Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs is videotaped live at his conference.  He doesn’t preach at you, he tells stories about his own life, he makes you laugh, and – above all – he makes you go, “Ohhhh!  I get it!”

If I could buy a copy of the DVD series for every single married friend (male or female) that I have and send it to them, I would.  I don’t normally jump up and down and scream, “You have to see this!”.   Hey, I don’t even like chain emails, but this is one series, I strongly recommend.  Did I mention strongly? 

Definitely, check it out.

http://www.loveandrespect.com

~Melissa

Disclaimer:  The commentary above is free insight into my strange and humbling past relationship-world.  I don’t get a single red cent for the purchase of Love and Respect DVDs, the classes, or the conferences.   It just so happens that I am so passionate about this information that I’m willing to talk about it with unashamed excitement so that everyone who reads will learn some very valuable lessons, just like I have.

Be Zazzled!

I sure have been.

I have been playing around with Zazzle and doing something I’ve been telling myself I should be doing for years.  (How’s THAT for a confusing sentence?)

Writing greeting cards!

I love quippy cards with a bit of humour, I love writing chick lit, I’m a Jesus Freak, and I love stationery so what better way to showcase my crazy impulses for all of the above but creating my own cards?

So there you have it.  Me in a nutshell on Zazzle.

Here’s my gallery:

http://www.zazzle.com/miskela

~Melissa

Beautiful Advice

I received this as an email chain.  I often like these kinds of messages, just not the “chain” aspect to them so I’ve edited.

~Melissa

An Angel says:

“Never borrow from the future.  If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn’t happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.”

A great list of things to try and do every day:

  1. Pray
  2. Go to bed on time.
  3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
  4. Say “No” to projects that won’t fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
  5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
  6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
  7. Less is more.  (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
  8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
  9. Pace yourself.  Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don’t lump the hard things all together.
  10. Take one day at a time.
  11. Separate worries from concerns.  If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety.  If you can’t do anything about a situation, forget it.
  12. Live within your budget.  Don’t use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
  13. Have backups: an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
  14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut) This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
  15. Do something for the “Kid in You” everyday.
  16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
  17. Get enough rest.
  18. Eat right.
  19. Get organized so everything has its place.
  20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
  21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
  22. Every day, find time to be alone.
  23. Having problems?  Talk to God on the spot.  Try to nip small problems in the bud.  Don’t wait until it’s time to go to bed to try and pray.
  24. Make friends with Godly people.
  25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
  26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good, “Thank you, Jesus .”
  27. Laugh.
  28. Laugh some more!
  29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
  30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
  31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
  32. Sit on your ego.
  33. Talk less; listen more.
  34. Slow down.
  35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
  36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you’re grateful for that you’ve never been grateful for before.   God has a way of turning things around for you.

“If God is for us, who can be against us?” 
(Romans 8:31)

Mayan Adventure Trailer

I wrote the script and co-produced this short Christian film.  It was made on a shoestring budget (enough money for paint and videotapes), with amateur actors, and a completely volunteer crew.  Dave Huwe directed.

I wrote the script from February to May, 2007 and then we went into rehearsal and filming until October.  The film premiere was November 7th at Family Community Church in San Jose, California.