Jury Duty Survival 101

I could spend hours going through my initial thoughts when I got my jury summons, but if you’ve ever received one, the feelings are probably pretty universal:

Oh crap.
I hope my panel number doesn’t get called.
How do I get out of this?

As luck would have it, from Friday through the next Friday, I kept getting deferred. It was Friday afternoon, I figured I was in the clear. Then I got the call to report to the Superior Court of Santa Clara.

So here’s what I learned along the way.

Before You Go:

Bring Your Jury Summons with your Parking Permit

I, of course, brought every conceivable piece of paper relating to jury duty including the envelope and everything I read from the website that I printed out. You don’t need to go crazy, but you will need the summons and you’ll need the parking permit, too.

Dress Comfortably

You may be sitting for hours. Heck, if you’re as unlucky as me, you may be sitting for months. The trick is to be comfortable while you wait because you will do a lot of it. A lot.

Bring Snacks

The food setup in the Santa Clara Hall of Justice consists of two food carts. Both accept cash only. Neither has anything you’d see on a Michelin star menu. If you don’t want to end up eating crap from a vending machine, the cafeteria down the street, or Togos, bring your lunch or bring snacks.

Jury Duty is where diets to go die.

Bring a Water Bottle

Here’s something nice, the water is free. In the Jury Room on the Second Floor, there is a water cooler (hot and cold). Leave the trendy ceramic or glass water bottle or mug at home, it won’t make it through security. A simple water bottle is the way to go. Unless you want to shell out $2.50 at the cart for a bottle of water or use a cup from the water cooler and hope that you don’t spill or in any other way embarrass yourself.

Bring Entertainment

There are a few cubes to sit in with a laptop you can plug in. If you don’t want to lug that around, you can bring a book or your Kindle or phone or whatever entertains you during the down time. We even brought playing cards for a day or two.

I really don’t know how people did jury duty before mobile devices. It’s not like you can knit.

Leave Early. You’ll Need The Extra Time

Map it out, and leave early to account for traffic and sign in. If you need to report for Jury Selection at 9:00, be there by 8:30 at the latest. Why, you ask? Because there’s this little thing called Security. And Sign-In. You may arrive at 8:55 thinking you’ve made it five minutes early and you’re good to go until you see the security line out the door and down the street.

Know Your Work’s Jury Duty Policy

This is a must. Most cases last a few days, some a few weeks, and for us unlucky types, a few months. If your work only pays for two days of Jury Duty, then you need to either take PTO for the rest of it, or go on unpaid leave. You will definitely want to know this up front.

If this is an extreme financial hardship for you (not merely a financial or personal annoyance), you can petition the judge to be excused (more on that later).

Check Online or Call In

There are two ways to find out if the panel you’ve been assigned to has to report to the courthouse or not. You can call the number on your Juror Summons or you can check the website to see what the status of your panel is:

Juror Status

Do make sure you check the DATE of your service. The panel numbers are reused weekly, so if you didn’t look carefully, it’s possible you could waltz in a week early. You’re on the hook for a week. Typically, the week starts on Friday and goes until the next Friday. You may get postponed every single day. You may get called to report the next day. Check the website or call to know where you stand. No one likes to wake up thinking they’ll be deferred again only to find they have less than 15 minutes to report to the court house.

When You Arrive

Parking

Set your Navigation System to the parking lot across the street. Whatever you do, do not park at the meters. Your Jury Summons has a parking pass. If you park at the meters, you will not be reimbursed.

Santa Clara Superior Court – Hall of Justice
190 West Hedding Street
San Jose, CA
(408) 808-6600

Civic Center Parking Garage
171 West Hedding Road
San Jose, CA
(408) 293-0775

If you want to be on the same level as the pedestrian overpass so you’re not dodging traffic, park on the third level of the garage. You can walk past the enticing vending machines (get used to those), the two pay kiosks and the (now defunct) attendant station, which has been replaced by the two pay kiosks.

Bring your garage parking ticket with you. When you get to the Jury Clerk, she’ll take your Juror Parking Pass and your parking garage stub, stamp the garage stub, and return it to you. If you left your parking stub on the dashboard of your car, you’ll be taking a nice stroll back to get it.

Pro-Tips:

Keep your parking stub far away from credit cards (they could demagnetize it)
Get your parking stub validated near the end of the day (less chance of demagnetizing)
Validate your stamped parking stub at the pay kiosk before driving to the exit gate (to see if it demagnetized)

You’re probably wondering why all this talk about demagnetizing parking stubs and validation issues. I’m fairly certain that the City of Santa Clara has earned more money on stressed out Jurors whose parking ticket stub demagnetized (and paid just to get the heck out of there) than they have on monthly parking passes.

I have heard this story so many times, and experienced it myself twice, that it’s almost laughable how many times these parking stubs demagnetize. I have been the person at the parking garage dutifully placing my validated ticket in the machine as I sit at the gate and have it not only NOT lift the gate, but demand $11.00 from me.

The intercom does not work. Honking your horn does not get their attention right away and if it does, they don’t take kindly to it. Either way, it’s stressful and humiliating.

The guys in the office are not actively seeking out potentially horrified jurors whose ticket demagnetized frantically pushing buttons and panicking at the increasingly long line of cars behind them trying to leave. No one likes to wait when leaving the parking garage. No one.

So you can either get out of your car, brave the stink-eye from all the people who unfortunately picked the same gate as you, and run across rows of cars to the office and tell them your ticket demagnetized OR you can check your ticket before you ever get to the car to make sure it works.

There used to be a guy that would check your ticket at the pay station, but he’s been replaced. Now you have two pay kiosks to use to check. If your validated ticket is fine, it’ll say PAID and you can be confident that when you drive down to the gate, the bar will lift.

If, however, even after getting stamped, you see that you’re being charged for a few hours or a full day’s worth of parking, congratulations. Your ticket demagnetized.

If you pay because you just want OUT OF THERE and will sort it out with the courthouse or parking garage clerk the next day, don’t bother. They won’t reimburse you.

If you take your demagnetized ticket BACK to the clerk in the courthouse to re-stamp, don’t bother, if it’s demagnetized, there is nothing she can (or will) do.

You have only one option. Walk down to the first floor gates and go to the parking office. Knock on the door, tell them your ticket demagnetized (and make sure you’ve had it stamped by the Court Clerk because they’re not dumb) and they’ll do some magic like give you another validated ticket. Walk back to your car feeling secure knowing that when you get to the gate, that arm will rise.

Fun Fact: The elevators from the garage to the ground floor smell like burning. They may function, but they SMELL like a cable is about to snap. Just saying.

Security

It is quite literally like going to the airport, except you’re not heading to Maui. As I mentioned before, arrive early. Some days, there’s no one there and you breeze through security like petals on the wind. Other days, the lines are longer than Star Wars ticket sales on opening day. Security screening is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.

Be prepared to put your purse, laptop, handbag, man bag, man purse, lunch bag, carrier bag, etc. on the conveyor belt to the right.

Be prepared to remove your belt, keys, watch, iPhone, etc. and place them in the grey bin to give to the men / women in uniform at the entrance. If you go through the metal detector and it still goes off, check to see if your shoes have buckles or your boots have zippers. Yes, there’s nothing like setting off that metal detector with 500 people behind you. Super fun. Not at all stressful.

Once you’re through, pick up your items (or get searched) and head directly to the second floor. You can take the elevators in front of you or you can take the stairs to the right of the elevators.

Fun Fact: Fit Bits don’t set off the metal detectors!

Sign In

Now that you’ve made it to the second floor, if you’re lucky enough to have no line, make sure you have your summons filled out (you’ll see a sign as you’re standing in line that shows you what needs to be filled out) and sign it. If you didn’t do it, you’ll be slowing down an already painful process and annoy everyone behind you. It’s the part that verifies your address and your contact number. Remember: sign it.

Have the clerk stamp your parking ticket. She’ll point you to the doors into the Jury Room.

Fun Fact: Roz from Monsters Inc. works as a Court Clerk, you’ll know her the minute she opens her mouth. Do NOT forget to fill out your paperwork. I’m actually not kidding. Just wait.

Panel Certification Form

Before you go through those doors, into the possibly crammed Jury Room, check the wall beside the clerk and you’ll see a few black slots with paper in them. Those are panel certificates. They have your panel number and today’s date. Grab one. This says to your employer that you were at court that day. If you need to prove to your employer that you were at the courthouse and not the beach, you’ll want to pick this up EVERY DAY you’re in jury selection until or unless you get juror badge. Again, pick up one each day. They’re dated.

Jury Waiting Area

Once you’ve opened the door and headed into the Jury Room, you may be lucky and it’s completely bare. Or it’s crammed to the teeth and you’re lucky if you can get a seat.

Pro Tip: The Jury Room is a “U”, not an “L”. Keep walking, turn right, and keep walking some more. You’ll see a door. That leads to another portion of the waiting area. The place beyond that door is magic. It has couches. It has laptop cubes. It has puzzles. It has tables.

If you have to come back another day, there are TWO doors to the Jury Room, one as you exit the stairs (near the Interpreter Office) and the one by the clerk. Almost no one thinks to go through the door by the stairs, except those savvy jurors who have been there for a few days of jury selection or have been assigned to a case.

There are doors smack dab in the middle of the jury room which you may be tempted to avoid because, well, they’re closed, but don’t. Inside that area are washrooms, vending machines, a coffee vending machine (do not get the hot chocolate – it is nothing more than brown water), and a microwave. The loudspeaker in which the clerk can summon your panel to a court room can be heard from anywhere in the Jury Room (including that vending / washroom area).

If you meander off elsewhere in search of washrooms or food carts on the first floor, you will not hear her call your panel so keep that in mind.

Panels vs. Departments

This trips up a lot of people so let me explain. When you arrive for jury selection, you’re issued a panel number. Pay attention to your number. Your panel, as well as a bunch of other panels, may be called to one court room (a department). You may hear something like,

Jurors for Panels 7, 9, and 11, please report to Department 42, Judge X, on the third floor.

What this means is that your panel, along with a bunch of people from other panels, have to all go to the same court room (or department). Pay attention to where they send you. They typically have the court room location associated with its department number on a printed piece of paper in the hall on the second floor.

Jury Selection Process

Report to Your Department

Ohmigosh, they just called you to a court room! This is it!

Head to the court room like a lemming and pray the guy in front of you knows where he’s going.

You WILL be surprised to see the plaintiff(s)/defendant(s) standing there along with the prosecution and defense attorneys. It WILL freak you out a little. This went from some nebulous “man, I hope I get out of jury duty” to “holy crap, this is real right here”.

You’ll be directed by the deputy to find a seat. Don’t be jerk and sit on the aisle because everyone will have to step over you to get to the wall. Or, the deputy will call you out and force you to get up and move to the wall so they can fill all the seats and cram everyone in the court room. There could be up to a hundred of people in that room with you.

Once everyone is in, they will quite literally take attendance. This is why you want to be early. Because, guess what? If you are late, they can’t start. Seriously, nothing happens until you arrive. If it takes you 2 minutes or 10 minutes, we all wait. They may have the Court Clerk page you a few times until you complete the walk of shame red-faced into the court room.

And just so you know, they take attendance after morning break. They take attendance after lunch. They take attendance after afternoon break. If you’re “that guy/girl” who can’t get your crap together to make it back to the court room on time, you are now effectively making one hundred potential jurors, the prosecution/defense lawyers, court clerk, bailiffs, plaintiff(s)/defendant(s), and judge wait. For you. (And anyone else who couldn’t tell time or plan accordingly.)

If you think the stink-eye in high school is bad, be late. See what it feels like in a court room.

Introduction / Process Explained

When you sit down and attendance has been completed and everyone is there (or someone bailed and the court is coming after them), you’re good to go. You’re all sitting there thinking, what next?

The deputy will ask everyone to rise and the judge will come in. Once the judge has arrived, you’ll be allowed to sit down again. The judge will explain what, in simple terms, the case is about, who the plaintiff(s)/defendant(s) are, how long the trial is expected to last, and what the general process is going to be for jury selection.

Civil cases are typically about compensation.
Criminal cases involve finding defendant(s) “guilty” or “not guilty” of charges.

Cases can range from mundane to reporters outside court every day to everything in between.

Court Exemption Requests

If you do not feel that you can participate for the length of the trial because you’ll be having surgery or it is an extreme economic hardship, you can petition the court to relieve you. You will be directed to fill out a form provided by the deputy at your request and it will be given to the judge to review. You may be excused, you may not. If you don’t ask for the form when they offer it, you won’t be considered.

Compensation

You will be paid $15/day plus .32 cents mileage one-way. You will have a check mailed to your house every two weeks. It’s not $15/hour, it’s $15/day. It basically covers your lunch. That’s it.

Jury Questionnaire

After you’ve been instructed on the process, you’ll be sent back to the Jury Room with a questionnaire that involves the case you’d be a jury on. They want to know about you, your history, if you know any of the participants in the case (not just plaintiffs/defendants, but witnesses, police, etc. as well), or if you have any ideologies or whatnot that can help them screen you out as an unsuitable juror or a particularly suitable one.

Filling out the Questionnaire saves them time asking the same question of over a hundred people. Note, that not only will the judge question you (in front of everyone), but the prosecution and defense will, too. And they will, in fact, end up repeating some of the same questions over and over again, anyway.

If you lie or provide information that you think will probably get you off jury duty, don’t count on it. This is not the judge’s first rodeo. And for everyone that is sitting in the court room while you go on about why you’re so unsuitable, they can tell you’re full of crap. It doesn’t always work, either.

When you have filled out the questionnaire on Day One, you’re typically sent home after that. The completed questionnaires will then be reviewed by the prosecution/defense/judge. You come back the next day. Remember all that great stuff you learned about parking? Remember your Department number? You’ll be in the same court room every day during jury selection.

Day Two

The next day, when you return, the judge will have reviewed all the Jury Exception requests and potentially excuse 10, 30, or 2 people. For the rest of you, despite your crafty answers that you’re sure will get you excused immediately, you get to be questioned.

When they call your name, you will be sent to either a free juror seat or an alternate seat for questioning. That will surprise and scare the heck out of you. They don’t question you from the gallery. They don’t do it privately, if that’s what you were thinking. It will suddenly start to feel very real at this point.

First, the judge will question you based on your questionnaire. Then the prosecution. Then the defense. In front of everyone. What you answered on your questionnaire will be brought up in front of the entire court room. You may get asked the same question by the judge, the prosecution, and the defense attorney. In front of everyone. That will be scary. Or you may think it’s exhilarating. For me, it was intimidating.

Pro Tips for Questioning

Speak up. So much time was wasted because the court reporter couldn’t understand a mumbling whisperer.
Wait until the judge/prosecutor/defense has FINISHED their question before you start your answer. The court reporter is recording EVERYTHING. If you start talking while they’re still talking, it’s hard to transcribe.
Do not simply nod or shake your head for your answer,. You must answer “yes” or “no” for the court reporter to record your answer.
Speak slowly. Talking as fast Six from Blossom may be cute, but it sucks for the court reporter. If she can’t understand you, she’ll ask you to say it all over again and you will be reminded to slow down.
Be concise. There is nothing worse than someone who loves the sound of their own voice.
Be honest. Not only can the court staff tell when you’re trying out that “how to get out of jury tactic” you read on Google, but the rest of us can tell, too.

Between the twelve jury spots and the extra alternates, they’re probably calling around twenty people at a time. After the first batch has been questioned, the lawyers will look each of you up and down and then make their decision. Maybe the prosecution likes you, but the defense doesn’t. What that criteria is, I will never know because people I thought were gone for sure were accepted and people I thought were a shoo-in were excused. And then that accepted juror was excused in the next batch. It’s a mystery.

After the lawyers have deliberated, the judge will excuse people in big batches and if you are excused, your jury service is complete. You’re done. Off you go. So many big smiles leaving that court room.

If jury selection isn’t completed on that day, you come back the next day. If it doesn’t get done that day, you come back the next day. Excuse. Next batch. Until defense and prosecution settles on the jury. It can take one day. It can take five days. They can run out of people and have to start all over with a whole new series of panels.

You’ve Been Selected, Juror!

Even if there are prospective jurors still sitting in the gallery, if the prosecution accepts the jury as presented and so does defense, that’s it.

This will surprise and shock you. Before it felt kind of real, now it feels really real. One second you’ll be sitting there, thinking, “I’m an alternate, they’ll probably kick me when that other guy comes over.” Then suddenly, in the next wave, Juror #3 is excused and you’re being put in their seat and you’re all being asked to stand and suddenly you’re sworn in.

If you wanted to get out of jury duty and you failed, accept it. Now that you’re in it, take this responsibility seriously. We all joke about ducking jury duty, but once you’re in, it’s as real as it gets. Give it the respect and seriousness it deserves.

Juror Badges

While you’re still gasping for breath, you’ll be given instructions on what happens next. They’ll probably dismiss you for the day, but not before they give you a green Juror badge on your way out. This is gold.

This is your FastPass to the front of the security line. It’s the one good thing about jury duty. Not kidding, you can pass all those poor schlubs waiting in a long line out the door. In fact, you are instructed to do so. You’re a juror now and it’s critical that you’re on time.

This badge of honor alerts lawyers and judges of your status. You will be instructed not to speak to anyone on the case directly (lawyers, plaintiffs, defendant, family, etc.) so if you see your court’s prosecutor getting in the elevator with you, and you wonder why they ignore you completely – going so far as to not even look at you – this is because they’re not allowed to. They will not say hi to you. You can’t say hi to them. You can’t say good morning. You can’t say anything. If you do, they’ll alert the judge and you all will be reminded in court, in front of everyone, not to do the thing they told you not to do. It will make you uncomfortable because your natural tendency is to be polite and greet them. It’s okay that it feels awkward not to.

Know this, If there is even a HINT that they think you overheard them speaking about the case, you will be called in and questioned. If there is a HINT that you accidentally got chatty with a family member of a plaintiff or defendant you will be called in and questioned. It’s a big big deal.

Research / Social Media / Gossip

You will be told not to research the case in any way. You will be told not to talk about the case with your fellow jurors or anyone else for that matter, including your coworkers, spouse, best friend, favorite bartender, counselor, etc. until it’s all over. This is going to be hard, but if you want to honor the case and the process, stay away. You can’t bias yourself. If you’re still coming in to work on the odd day between court dates, people are naturally going to want to know what the case is about. You can’t talk about it.

The Case

Juror Notebooks / Binders

You will be given a notebook, a pen, and a binder. The notebook is to, duh, take notes. Some people try to record everything (and miss watching witnesses on the stand), some record Prosecution Exhibit / Defense Exhibit # / items so that they can refer back to them later. Others simply record how believable they feel the witness is on a scale of 1 – 5. There is no right or wrong way to do this. You can’t take your notebook home and at the end of trial, your notes will be destroyed.

The binder contains the scheduled court dates, a list of restaurants, and a map of the immediate area. This will be handy if you discover that almost everyone on Day One goes to Togos down the street, thus, massive lines and long waits. The cafeteria down the street is not bad and the grill orders are pretty cheap.

From the Frying Pan Into the Fire

You will be surprised how quickly from opening statements the prosecution moves to calling the first witness or presenting their first piece of evidence. If you think there will be some break or some time for you to adjust to this whole new experience, it’s doubtful that will happen.

If you’ve noticed any pattern so far in this blog post, it’s that you will be surprised. A lot. No, it’s not like the movies and TV. Yes, you will need to unlearn a lot about what you thought trial was like. No, it’s not like Ally McBeal. It’s not even like LA Law or Suits.

You may find that it’s odd that after the prosecution provides this painstaking step-by-step process of introducing a piece of evidence or witness, that the defense painstakingly step-by-step must question that same thing. You may think, they just said this, why is this other guy saying this again?

Foundation. It’s one of the terms you’ll hear often as an objection. Other terms you might hear are:

Hearsay
Misstates the evidence
Asked and answered
Speculation
Leading
Assumes facts not in evidence
Vague
Relevance
Argumentative

I’m not going to go into what they mean, but you’ll find the pace and stops/starts a little jarring at first. Like I said, it’s nothing like TV or the moves and the judge will tell you that, too.

Pro-Tip: The court will try to make this experience as comfortable as possible. If you are pregnant and need to pee, they’ll let you, even if it’s not a regularly scheduled break. If you are hard of hearing, they’ll provide a headset for you to amplify the sound (take it off when Judge/Lawyers are talking at the bench). If you’re diabetic or hypoglycemic and need to snack on something, you can have something that’s resealable (and not loud) or drink your water (from a water bottle) during the trial. If you just need to stretch because your back spasms, signal the deputy discreetly and silently, and they’ll come assist you.

You will quickly find a rhythm once the process of presenting evidence starts, you’ll notice a pattern of breaks, process, and day-to-day activity. You’ll not be freaking out when you walk into the building. You’ll probably start to recognize the guys at Security, and they you.

You’ll see those Day One prospective Jurors and the looks of abject terror on their faces and smile and shake your head. Oh, those were the days. If your trial lasts longer than most, you may even feel like this is your “second job”. You will be living between two worlds. It’ll be a bit weird. You may have even found your Juror friends you eat lunch with and hang out with on breaks.

This will become your new normal.

Deliberation

And then, all of a sudden and without warning, counsel is done presenting evidence. Suddenly, they’re doing closing arguments and you’re finding out what the next step is. You’re going to be shuffled out of the court room into the deliberation room with all your new besties to decide the verdict on all those charges or (civil case) compensation, or not.

You will be given instructions from the judge about the law as it applies to your case. In fact, the judge will read those instructions to you. It will take a lot of time. If you’re freaking out thinking you can’t possibly write all this information down, don’t worry, you will be given those instructions in written form.

In our case, we only received one copy of the instructions. We asked the court clerk for copies so each of us could have a copy to review and they did. Your instructions will include everything. Everything is spelled out. You will even receive question forms, if you have a question for the judge. You can’t speak to them directly, but you can have your foreman write them down and send them to the judge. Know that those questions, will be read in front of legal counsel as well.

Be concise. There’s only so much room to ask and only so much room for the judge to answer.

If this is a criminal case, deliberations are where those new best friends splinter like shards of wood. Those of us in deliberation would sit in the Jury Room watching all the fresh new jurors laughing and chatting and we’d smile. They’re still in the thick of evidence. Just wait, we think to ourselves. Just wait.

Choose a Good Foreman

You will be shocked at how something that clearly says X to you says Y to a fellow juror. You will be frustrated that you can’t agree. This is where finding a really good foreman comes into play. They are your mediator. They are the voice of reason. Make sure you choose someone who is a facilitator, not a dictator. If they have had previous experience on a jury before, that helps, but it’s not critical. Pick smart.

Every deliberation is different so I can only provide generalities, but know that depending on the severity of your case, if it’s civil or criminal, there will be arguments, possibly tears, definitely outbursts, and the tendency to get snippy with each other. If you can divorce yourself from your emotions and be respectful, you will have a better voice. If you are a petulant child or a booming verbal tyrant, you seriously cripple your ability to persuade anyone else.

Be Heard / Fight for your Vote

Speaking of voices, don’t be the guy/girl that doesn’t speak up. In the case of a criminal case, the vote must be unanimous. If you vote in a particular way, be prepared to back it up. Be prepared to answer thoughtfully and logically why you think the evidence speaks to you in the way it does. Now is not the time to lob your immovable vote and refuse to discuss the matter further.

What doesn’t belong in deliberation because it just wastes time:

talking about evidence that wasn’t presented
wondering why certain witnesses weren’t called and what they might have said
talking about punishment
immediately finding the defendant guilty and forcing pieces to fit your narrative
ignoring the evidence you do have
ignoring the rules of law in favor of your own personal justice
the emotions of the witnesses
the emotions of the family, friends, or coworkers of the defendants or victims
the persuasiveness of the legal counsel

To be fair, it’s nearly impossible to do this because we all naturally want every piece of information possible to make the best decision. We don’t know why they didn’t get that subpoena. We don’t know why they didn’t have the defendant speak on their own behalf. We don’t know why this piece of evidence wasn’t presented. We wish there was a camera recording the whole thing to make this all clear for us. Why didn’t they wear a GoPro with audio the entire time?

Your job as a juror is to use the evidence you DO have, using the specific instructions on the law as it pertains to your case provided to you, to make an impartial verdict.

“Beyond a reasonable doubt” and “if the verdict could go between guilty/not guilty, you must find the defendant not guilty” will be a mantra in your head because the judge will remind you that defendants are innocent until proven guilty. Not the other way around. That may stick in your throat. It may leave a bad taste in your mouth.

It’s not complicated, but it IS complex.

Deliberation is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Why? Because it is so damn EASY to judge people when there is no consequence. Everyone talks about judging and how we shouldn’t do it, but we do it all the time. You’ll judge this post. You’ll judge that lame link whatsername posted on Facebook the other day. You’ll judge so-and-so’s ridiculous (or super insightful) Twitter comment. You’ll judge blah blah’s political stance. You’ll judge whether or not you want to walk to your car in the dark alone or with a friend.

We judge instinctively.

When you’re a juror, however, you (and eleven other jurors) hold another human being’s life (or business or finances) in your hands. Your decision not only affects the plaintiff and defendant, it affects families, friends, victims families and friends – everyone involved directly and indirectly, deliberately and superficially. And when you realize that, especially in a tragic criminal case, you will feel that weight to your bones. If you don’t feel it to your bones, you’re not respecting the gut-wrenching seriousness of the responsibility you’ve been given.

It won’t hit you while you’re duking it out with the other jurors, snacking on M&Ms in the deliberation room in your comfortable chair.

You have the unique experience of intruding on lives of people you’ve never met in a very intimate way. You have been given a snapshot into their world that is no longer ‘normal’ because of an incident that changed the course of history for them. You’re been invited into a situation that police, detectives, lawyers, judges, grand juries, families, friends, coworkers, public servants, experts, witnesses, labs, etc. have spent hours/days/months/years involved in up to their eyeballs.

It won’t hit you while you’re looking over photographs or transcripts, dissecting a critical moment in time that changed peoples’ lives forever down to its minutiae.

For you, it’ll be like, “Man, this deliberation is taking forever. We’ve been at this for hours/days.” For those who anxiously await your decision, every minute is an excruciating lifetime. In your hands, you hold the promise of freedom, the hope of compensation, or the noose of punishment. You hold closure, or lack of it. You hold the end of a chapter in a very challenging book.

Still, it won’t hit you.

Verdict

It will hit you when the door into the court room opens and you see that everybody is sitting there, staring at you, waiting on your verdict. You will feel the anxiety as you walk to your Juror seat and sit down, feeling the thick tension of the room. You will feel your guts churning with anticipation as you look at the plaintiffs/defendants knowing their fate is already decided, but they have no idea what it is.

This is when it will hit you. This is when it will become very very real.

And then the court clerk will start reading the charges and your verdicts. And it will hit you like a kick in the stomach that you have directly and unalterably changed the course of people’s lives forever.

This may be a point of relief for you, if the case was simple and evidence was cut and dry. This may be a point of exultation for you as you grant compensation to a wronged party.
This may be a point of frustration for you, if it was neither of these things.
The may be a point of torture for you, if your case was complicated, or the evidence was incomplete or inconclusive, or the verdict would have been different if you’d had “more.”

Know this: If you did your job, and you did it honestly and with abiding conviction according to the rules set before you, without bias or malice based on evidence presented alone, then that is all you can do.

Justice has been served.

The Aftermath

There is a point when you are offered an opportunity to speak to legal counsel and other parties involved in the case. You don’t have to do this. If you want closure, or you want to ask questions, this is the time to do it. Likewise for counsel.

You’ll get to know a lot of faces very well over the course of your trial and, I would think, the other way around, but you can never speak to these people. When the verdict has been read, you may see on those familiar faces expressions of acceptance or disappointment, frustration, heartbreak, anger, or relief. Or all of the above. You may hear sobs of heartbreak or sighs of relief. You may see nothing at all because you can’t bear but look at your hands.

This time is an opportunity for counsel to talk about the “why’s” of your verdict and what could have helped you make your decision better. You have an opportunity to ask your own “why didn’t they” do this or that. You only get one or more pieces of the knowledge pie during jury duty. You don’t get the rest of the pie until it’s over, unless you talk to the attorneys afterwards.

Maybe it’s too hard. You can’t face the families or the plaintiffs and defendants. Maybe you have given everything you had and you just want to go home and try to forget everything. That’s your call and no one can force you to talk to anyone if you don’t feel comfortable doing so.

Final Thoughts

Here’s the deal: jury duty is actually fascinating if you approach it with the right attitude. It is interesting to see how the process works. It is humbling to see police officers, who can be a little scary, nervous on the witness stand because you see them as real human beings who are entwined in this thing along with you. It is an education to discover just how different being a juror is to what you see on TV or in the movies.

It is enlightening to get past the assumptions of what you assume jury duty is about and actually do it. It is wonderful meeting people you may never have had an occasion to meet otherwise. After all is said and done, everyone involved at the public level seems to be genuinely grateful for your service.

I hope this post sums up the entire experience for me from the fun to the funny to the heartbreaking and frustrating. That is what jury duty is all crammed into one surreal package.

Excuses – But Better

Do you ever have something come up and someone asks you about it and your reason (or excuse) is so dumb you wish you could offer a less lame way to explain it? Well, fret no more, you’ve come to the right place. I’ve done all the heavy lifting for you.

Acute Apathy Disorder

“I just didn’t feel like it.”

Apparel Misappropriation

“My sister swiped the shirt I was going to wear.”

Apparel Sanitation Deficiency

“I have no clean clothes.”

Benign Positional Stasis

“I’m grounded.”

Conflicting EleGrav Forces

“I fell.”

Domestic Fracture

“I broke up with my girlfriend/boyfriend.”

Emotional Attachment Failure

“I just didn’t care.”

Extended Photinus Pyralis Media Intake

“I stayed home to watch the entire Firefly series instead.”

False Depth Perception Calculation

“I walked/fell into a [insert object].”

Feline Agitation Miscalculation

“My cat scratched me.”

Financial Resource Allotment Deficiency

“I didn’t bring enough money.”

Global Communication Blackout

“My internet went down.”

Ocular Media Alternative

“I read a book instead.”

Olfactory Pheromone Resistance

“I don’t like the way he/she smells.”

Pet Product Extraction

“The cat/dog threw up.”

Social Incongruence

“I don’t like him/her.”

Vehicular Fuel Intake Adjustment

“I had to get gas.”

Waste Transit Redirect

“I had to take out the garbage.”

When Disagreement Gets Personal

Forgive me, I’m going to rant for a bit here.

I’ve been around long enough to understand that when it comes to the news, there must be a focus. This is the foundation of every article, report, op-ed piece, etc.

And there’s plenty to discuss.

As a Christian, I’ve been accused of many things. One guy told me that I was poisoning my children (since I don’t have any children of my own, I’m assuming he meant my step-children), that I was practically personally responsible for outlawing stem cell research and causing millions of potential deaths in the future, and that I was essentially a very judgmental and dangerous person – among other things.

This glowing character assass-, er, evaluation came via a comment on Facebook from a guy I’d never met in my entire life. As far as I can tell, he had no background information on my faith, my political views, or my home life, and he certainly didn’t know me personally. But in one fell swoop he managed to toss me in a box, label it “fundamentalist whack job”, and wrap it up in a nice neat bow of judgment, intellectual superiority, and scorn.

Now, I realize that “no one ever won an argument on Facebook, ever” and I’ve had many discussions on many topics in that social format which are probably not going to change anyone’s feelings on whatever the discussion is about. I sometimes hope, but that’s okay, I don’t always agree with things my friends post on Facebook either. As a “Bible-thumping” Christian in today’s world, my opinion (doesn’t really matter on what, it seems) is oftentimes not only viewed as intolerant, but in some cases (as mentioned above) “dangerous”, “mean”, “archaic”, and “irrelevant”.

It staggered me to see someone so angry with me, who’d never met me before, had no idea of my personal motivation (to reason, to explain, to give a different perspective, to love unconditionally) to lambaste me so critically. What was the subject about? Honestly, it doesn’t even matter. For people who know me, I have melted to mush when I’ve heard, “I know that you’re coming from a place of love, I just don’t agree” and that is the biggest compliment they could say to me. They know my heart. They know I love them, even if they disagree with me or I them.

I have yet to be called a bigot, which would be quite ironic, since I did change my opinions. So I’ve seen both sides of certain hot topic arguments and have changed my worldview based on logic and reason and, ultimately, faith. How many of us today can say the same thing?

For your edification, this is Webster’s definition of a bigot:

a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially : one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance

I like healthy discussion and I love my friends, family, co-workers, and even people I have never met. I understand that my personal opinions on some topics will make some people, on principle, frustrated. I feel the same way sometimes. I also understand, all too well, that some people just do not “get” where I am coming from. It doesn’t, in any logical way, resonate with them intellectually. It is folly. It’s ridiculous. I know the feeling because I’ve felt it, too. Do I judge people for what they do in their private life, no. Do I know how God feels about it? Yes. Have I done things in my private life that God doesn’t approve of? I certainly have. Do I love people any less? No. Does it make any difference to me? Absolutely not.

So why not?

It comes back to having walked a few miles in those shoes. I have broken every single Commandment (especially in light of Jesus upping the ante in the New Testament – check out Matthew 5 sometime) so I know all about “sin” (a word most people, I find, really do not like hearing) because, apparently, I’d unintentionally mastered it. This is not me bragging about past exploits or saying I have it all figured it out now. This is me saying, I don’t judge because how can I judge someone else for doing something I’ve already done? That’s ridiculous. And hypocritical.

The problem is that when some of us even get a hint of guilt, we go on the offensive. No one likes to feel bad. Or guilty. Or ashamed. So rather than feel those emotions (or convictions), it’s easier to go on the offensive rather than really examine why we feel that way. I know this, too, because I’m a master of deflection. I don’t throw myself under the bus to be falsely humble, I throw myself under the bus because I’m guilty like everyone else. Anyone with the ability to remember knows what it feels like to be chastised or corrected by a parent, a teacher, a boss, or a friend.

It’s unpleasant. All we want to do it make it stop or find someone else to blame. It’s like tickling. The initial response isn’t to laugh, it’s to make the other person stop. But feeling uncomfortable about something in a healthy way is not a bad thing, it leads us to examine our actions, our motivations, and hopefully, bring about some kind of wisdom. But it is never, if ever, immediate and to expect that from each other when we debate or discuss is not only pointless, it’s unreasonable. We need time to process our feelings, examine where our own faults lie, and find a way to make sense and move forward. For some of us, it takes some time, but we eventually own it and act on it. For others, there is no debate, there is no discussion, there is no self-realization. It is the other person’s fault. End of story.

When I discuss a topic, I have a position. A worldview. So does whomever I’m speaking with. We are equally allowed our personal viewpoints. One of us may be right, one of us may be wrong, we may both be partially right, or equally completely wrong. That does not make either one of us “better” than the other. In fact, when I discuss something that is particularly important to me, I force myself to remember what my opinions were before I became a Christian so that I can empathize and understand the other person’s viewpoint.

I remember having political discussions with my husband (at the time, he was a conservative Christian and I was a bleeding heart liberal agnostic) and I distinctly remember thinking the very same things about him that people now accuse me of! Ha ha!

As Dr. J. Vernon McGee would say, “My chickens had come home to roost.” (And people say Bible-thumping Christians are judgmental!) So I know what it’s like to be utterly frustrated by someone whose opinion does not line up my own and to feel absolutely dumbstruck by their seemingly ridiculous worldview – and to assume that I am somehow smarter, better, and more moral.

So I just want to reiterate this one point when it comes to disagreement because I grow so tired of people (I’m not going to accuse just liberals of this because I’ve seen conservatives do it, too) using the words:

hypocrite
hate
bigot
judgmental
stupid
crazy
brainwashed
sheeple

Believe it or not, even if we think we are right, those words – by definition – are judgmental and bullying. Bullying is not just for playgrounds and high school, it applies everywhere. So even though we may feel our cause is just, calling someone else names, makes us the kind of bully we profess to want to stop. Think about that for a second. Okay, now think about it for a few seconds more. One more time, for good measure. Attack the argument, not the person.

To be clear, disagreement is not hate. Following up on personal beliefs at a political level is the foundation of our worldview. There is no separation between church and state when it comes to life because we vote our conscience in all arenas, not just the political. Your “church” may not be God, but it could easily be your belief that there is no god, or there are several, or that science is the be-all-end-all.

And, let’s be honest, people may scream for tolerance and for others not to judge (unless it applies to a belief system they don’t agree with), but all of us do it every single day. We are all judgmental, from clothes to movies to games to personal choices to faith (or not) to parenting to public personalities – every single one of us. Having an opinion is okay. Delivering it badly is not. That is the distinction. There is a time and a place for everything. There is also this little thing called tact. And before we are to open our mouths, we need to consider something crucial: what is our motivation?

Do we love someone and don’t want to see them hurt?
Do we simply have a different viewpoint on how “that thing” should be done?
Are we angry at a perceived injustice?
Are we frustrated at the world in general and this is just one more “thing” to add to the list?
Does our personal experience somehow cloud our judgment on that issue because we were “burned”?

One of the greatest things I heard at a Love and Respect conference is this. Most people are good-willed people. They do not wake up in the morning and say, “Wow, I really hate everyone, how can I screw them over in some way today?” Most people’s intentions are good, even if (on both sides, remember) sometimes misguided. I say most people because there are plenty of people out there whose only goal is to further their own selfish agendas and they are not at all concerned about who may end up as collateral damage along the way.

My approach in any argument is usually, what does God have to say on the matter? He is my ultimate authority through the Bible. And, given His opinion, and my motivation to love my friends and family and fellow human beings, I usually take that stance. For example, I’m not pro-life because I want to remove the rights of a woman when it comes to her body, but I want to protect the right to life of the infant inside her, too.

Obviously, I want everyone to go to Heaven and stay the heck out of Hell, but I also realize that there are just going to be people who either don’t want to believe, disagree on some critically fundamental concepts, or don’t even think about eternity because death is, quite frankly, scary. I can’t argue people into Heaven and they can’t argue me out of it. It’s free will, and we all have it.

So, at the end of the day, the point is this: agree, disagree, debate, disagree some more. Do it.

Even God said, “Come, let us reason.” But consider the approach and the words chosen because they are powerful and enduring. Anyone who has ever held on to a bad review, a dig, a slight, a hurtful exchange, a horrible argument, an unnecessarily harsh or unfounded opinion, or a painful conversation knows exactly how that feels. And, if we are ever on the delivering end of that painful exchange, we must suck it up and have the decency to apologize because unless we have no conscience whatsoever, we know when we have crossed the line.

I’m not going to lie, owning up to mistakes and bad judgment when it comes to word choice, is hard. If it was easy, the Blame Game wouldn’t be a global best seller available in every language. It takes a big person to admit when he is wrong and a bigger person to humbly apologize (not the back-handed apologies that come with a “but”) and seek forgiveness for hurtful words.

So what about the person on the receiving end? In the end, another quote from Love and Respect: our response is our responsibility. The phrase “You made me” does not and will not ever wash with me, nor should it for any human being with a brain and a mind of his own. It takes the whole notion of free will out of the equation and deflects guilt, shame, or anger back onto the other person, who may have been sincere and loving in their delivery.

Own it.

Expect that it’ll take some time to get over the hurt feelings, but listen to the message. Did they have a point? In business, there have been many times that I hated the delivery, but I listened to the message because it was valid. Sometimes it took longer than other times to get there, but eventually I did. I had to get through many layers of personal feelings and irritation at the word choice, but had to acknowledge the validity of the argument or point if it was sound. And there were plenty of times that my direction changed based on some valid suggestions.

At the end of the day, words are powerful. They can lift up and tear down. We are equally entitled to our opinions, but we are also equally responsible for how we express them. We can’t control how someone is going to take them, but we can control our delivery, our motivation, and it’s our responsibility to do so. But, with anything, a grain of salt works wonders, too. If anyone is looking to be offended, they will be.

Video: Danny and Annie – A Love Story

This video made me smile, laugh, cry, and it touched my heart. This is what marriage should be for all of us.

Church In a Do-It-Yourself World

So I attended church this morning. My family and I got up, we picked up my step-daughter’s friend, and drove to church.

Religious Backlash

The Christian church has taken a few beatings lately, especially with the new Obama administration. Abortion, embryonic stem cell research, Prop 8 – all of these things, biblically speaking, the church is against. I’ve heard people describe church, Jesus, God, and church-goers as:

bigoted
hypocritical
narrow-minded
archaic
judgmental
useless
irrelevant
dangerous
bloated
money-grubbing (high-profile church leaders – usually associated with Jim Bakker, Oral Roberts, et al)
dominating
opinionated

The list goes on. The church is too opinionated. Why does the church get to tell me what to do. Why is God even in the equation when it comes to affairs of the State. The bible isn’t real anyway, and even if it were, look at all the brutality of the Old Testament – you call that a loving God??

I didn’t grow up a Christian. I grew up in an alcoholic family of divorce. I didn’t focus on God, I focused on being invisible and making sure everyone around me thought that my life was “just fine”. I had no one to really rely on and I managed to eek out a pretty good existence with some issues here and there.

From the outside looking in, God and the church and all those “believers” is incredibly daunting, as if they know something you don’t know. They have “all the answers” and it’s irritating when they try to tell you what you’re doing wrong. So it’s easy to be offended by that, as if they know what’s right for you.

I went to church today. And this is what I got from a big group of “narrow-minded, antiquated, judgmental” people who believe in “something that probably doesn’t exist anyway”.

My pastor spoke about past hurts and how with Jesus’ sacrifice all those mistakes we’ve made, they’re gone. Guilt? That’s gone, too, because when you’re forgiven it’s not just for twenty minutes, it’s for life. Judgment? If you’re a believer, that’s not God whispering in your ear telling you didn’t earn it or deserve it, well, that comes from a whole different and much darker place.

How can I possibly explain to someone who has never “let go” of their life and given it over to the Creator of the universe that trust is not a four-letter word? How do I explain the kind of heart-shattering love that comes with knowing there is ONE person out there who loves you more than even you can imagine and has only the best plans for your life? How can you put that into words to someone who thinks I’m weak because I believe in something that isn’t fully understandable, but is absolutely knowable?

We did Communion today as a remembrance of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us and although it’s a little disconcerting to think about the trauma that Jesus went through for us (if you’ve seen The Passion of the Christ you have a very good idea of what it was probably like) so that we could be free of these very real, though intangible, chains that bind us and crush us and strangle us.

I looked around as the choir sang Amazing Grace and I saw the Prayer Team, just regular people who love God and want to use their gift to help others, praying with people they didn’t even know in one big group until every single one of them had been prayed for. I don’t know what the issues were, anything and everything. Just because we believe in God doesn’t mean we’re not human, with the infinite capacity for making mistakes – even really big ones.

Through my pastor, I heard what God thinks about my finances, how I should be a good steward of my money and becoming a slave to another lender. Hear that, those of us who are in debt to credit card lenders? I learned about how everything in life is cyclical and when pastor asked us who had ever been in rough financial times to raise our hands, nearly 90% of the entire congregation did. Know what that means? It means we have been there. It means there is no shame in needing help and it means that for those people who thought they were alone, well, they were wrong.

Then pastor directed people to information about programs the church offered from Finance Seminars to Celebrate Recovery (like biblical 12-Step), to Hannah’s Hope Chest (free shopping if you can’t afford clothes, food, etc.), to Premarital Counseling and Marriage Seminars. Do you know how much all of this costs to the people taking part in these church-sponsored activities? Usually – nothing. Maybe the cost of a workbook.

You know who pays for all of that? The people of the church who give their time, talent, and money to the church so that God can use it in a way that will be a blessing and aid to others. Many people don’t agree with the church or what God says about many topics today. In fact, when it comes to many issues, a lot of people don’t want to hear what God has to say.

Unbelievers – Before

God shouldn’t tell me what to do with my body
Sleeping around is my business, not anybody else’s
I get high, so what? It’s not hurting anyone
I don’t know what the big deal is, I lost my virginity when I was 12
The only person I gotta worry about is me
We need tolerance, but I can’t take what those Christians are preachin’, they shouldn’t be so narrow-minded
There is no God
What I achieve and what I have shows everybody how important I am
Religion is for suckers and weak people who can’t handle life

Unbelievers – After

I wish I hadn’t done it, I never knew it would be this hard – I still think about it
I’m pregnant / I thought he loved me, but he left me / I have a commnunicable disease / I feel used / It wasn’t worth it
I got busted / I got in an accident / I owe money to this guy… / I don’t feel like… / Whatever, who cares?
I wish I had waited / He was such a jerk, he told everyone / I didn’t love him / He pressured me / It wasn’t worth it
I wish I had someone to talk to / I’m lonely / Why don’t people like me? / Would anyone even care if I wasn’t here?
People should be able to believe whatever they want – except the Nazis, and the Christians, and those Jihad Muslims, and…
There is nothing but me. Nothing. But me.
I’m exhausted / What if I fail? / What’s the next big thing? / Are they impressed? / Oh no, I failed, I’m losing it all. I’m nobody.
I wish I had someone to share this burden with / Why doesn’t anyone even care? / How do I handle this on my own?

Believers – Before

I’m afraid, I don’t know what to do
I messed up – big time
I feel alone
I need wisdom and guidance
I’m hurting right now
I’m lost
What is my purpose?
How can I make a difference?
How do I share my gifts?
How can I turn my awful past into something that will help others?
What does God expect from me?

Believers – After

I prayed and even though I didn’t get the answer right away, you wouldn’t believe how God communicated to me…
I went to church and Pastor said that God has already forgiven us, we need to let it go and accept it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me.
I joined a ministry, so now I help in the kitchen and I met some really great people / I joined a singles group and met my husband / I attended a seminar and met some…
I looked up a great passage in the Bible and it was so weird how it answered my question perfectly, I just needed the moral reminder to make the hard decision
I got a call from the girl in my Small Group and she said she saw me looking out of sorts so she felt compelled to call me, it was weird, but the timing of her call was so perfect
I felt really far away from God, I was doing some stuff I knew I shouldn’t be, maybe hiding from God, but I went to service and sat in the back and prayed and now I felt better – it was so dumb to try and hide from God, He knows what I’m up to, but just talking to Him and getting it out like that made me feel so much better
I never thought I could feel so alive and useful delivery home-cooked meals to someone who is bed-ridden, but the way she lights up every time I come over, if I were in her shoes, I’d want the same thing. I feel like I make a difference and even though I’m exhausted, inside my heart I feel so energized!
I didn’t think it was a big deal donating that crib, but when I heard the story about the family who lost their home during the hurricane, it really showed me that even the small things make a difference
I joined a Ministry at church and now I greet people at every service and it is so wonderful to see how they go from nervous and confused about what to do, to smiling back and thanking me for showing them around. I may have just led someone to their seat who could become a believer today.
I never in a million years would believe I’m telling the story of my life to an auditorium of over 5,000 people. So many came up to me after the talk and said how they were experiencing exactly what I had.
I always skated by on life before, I was never really very moral before and it really burned me, but now, I hold myself to a higher standard – Jesus’ standard – and even though I can’t be perfect all the time like He was, I know that when I am honest and trustworthy and sincere, that people see I’m someone who is decent inside and out. I am someone that they can rely on and someone that they look up to.

So I went to church today. I saw people joyful loving and praising all the great things God has done for them. I saw people in earnest prayer seeking God’s guidance and forgiveness for mistakes they’d made, mistakes they wanted to turn away from. I saw people give and receive love from perfect strangers. I saw tears of joy, heartache, relief, and sorrow. I saw a community of people who collectively believe that they are not all they will ever have, that there is something/someone far bigger and more capable of handling the problems of their lives – and more than willing to do so, if they will let Him.

I saw a community of people who trust in God, as crazy and strange as it sounds, and I have seen miracles and wonders that He’s performed even in my life. His way is not easy, it requires sacrifice, changes, moral inventory, walking away from things that – even though they feel “good” at the time – eventually sink their hooks and suck the life right out of us. It’s a scary thing walking away from being free of moral responsiblity, believing in God, believing in Jesus and that He existed, and that the bible is true.

But ultimately we have two choices:

live up to God’s word and standard and create a life of purpose and have guidance along the days of our lives
live down to the world’s standard, where everything is about you, you’re the only one that matters, and you are your own god

I went to church today and I learned just another wonderful lesson about life. And my family did, too.

~Melissa

Grammar Police

I grew up reading and writing along with all my elementary school friends and, though I make mistakes, for the most part, I can string along a pretty good sentence. I know roughly what the rules are and what looks good in a sentence. What surprises me, though, is when I see really basic grammatical errors from very very smart people.

So even though I’m pot and I’m calling that kettle over there black, I’m going to list for you some of the mistakes that drive me nuts. Some of them I’ve heard and some I’ve seen. And some I just made up because I see the mistake happen a lot.

Anyway, enjoy.

“I like scrambled eggs better then fried eggs.”

“I told her you where busy.”

“The funny thing is, it’s to late for apologies now.”

“Irregardless of his position, the policy remains in place.”

“You new he’d be there, so why were you late?”

“I told her when she brung the wine the wine last night that she looked pretty.”

“I like the way your shirt compliments your slacks.”

“I don’t want to do no more math.”

“I jumped acrossed / acrosst the puddle.” (pronounced)

~Melissa

P.S. Got any that drive you nuts, too? Let me know! Leave a comment.

Beautiful Advice

I received this as an email chain. I often like these kinds of messages, just not the “chain” aspect to them so I’ve edited.

~Melissa

An Angel says:

“Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn’t happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.”

A great list of things to try and do every day:

Pray
Go to bed on time.
Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
Say “No” to projects that won’t fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
Delegate tasks to capable others.
Simplify and unclutter your life.
Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don’t lump the hard things all together.
Take one day at a time.
Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can’t do anything about a situation, forget it.
Live within your budget. Don’t use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
Have backups: an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut) This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
Do something for the “Kid in You” everyday.
Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
Get enough rest.
Eat right.
Get organized so everything has its place.
Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
Write down thoughts and inspirations.
Every day, find time to be alone.
Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don’t wait until it’s time to go to bed to try and pray.
Make friends with Godly people.
Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good, “Thank you, Jesus .”
Laugh.
Laugh some more!
Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
Sit on your ego.
Talk less; listen more.
Slow down.
Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
Every night before bed, think of one thing you’re grateful for that you’ve never been grateful for before. God has a way of turning things around for you.

“If God is for us, who can be against us?”
(Romans 8:31)

Menu

Before You Go:

When You Arrive

Jury Selection Process

You’ve Been Selected, Juror!

The Case

Deliberation

Verdict

The Aftermath

Final Thoughts

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: