Clean Joke: The Naughty Parrot

parrot

So there’s this fella with a parrot.  Unfortunately, this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean this bird is a pistol.  He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.  The trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, “QUIT IT!”   This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, “That’s it,” and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, so when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds there is a terrible din.  The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.

At first, the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt.  After a couple of minutes of silence, he’s so worried that he opens up the freezer door to check on the bird.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s out-stretched arm and says in very polite tones, “I’m awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you earlier.  I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.”

The man is astounded.  He can’t understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, “Just out of curiosity, what did the chicken do?”

Clean Joke: The Mailbox

A man was in his front yard mowing the grass when his beautiful, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I’ve got mail!”