Clean Joke: A Blonde, a Lawyer, and an Airplane

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, he offered her 10 to 1 odds, and suggested that every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00.

The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.00.

Then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back down the hill with four legs?”

The lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placed numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00.

The blonde put the $50.00 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “Well? What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.00.

Clean Joke: The Mailbox

A man was in his front yard mowing the grass when his beautiful, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I’ve got mail!”

Clean Joke: Police Emergency

Another one that cracked me up.

This is the (probably not) true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and George said no and explained the situation.  Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed.  Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.”

Then he hung up.  Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up.  Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”