You know, sis, I just had an epiphany.

Remember when you used to call me Smelly Constipation? (For the uninitiated, my middle name is Constance). Well, I was just thinking about it and, logically, that just doesn’t work.

Obviously, since everything is all backed up, there is no smelly to be had. Now, if my middle name had been Diana-Rhea, well maybe then you’d have something better to work with.

I realize you were only 10 years old when you came up with this brilliant (and surprisingly catchy and enduring) phrase, so your wordsmithing skills weren’t fully developed yet.

And, yes, it’s true that it has been over 30 years since you tortured me with that, but I figure we are never too old to learn.

Also, since there was really nothing to work with for your name, obviously, not only did Mom and Dad not think things through with my name, but clearly they loved you best.

Angela Dawn. Seriously. What the h-e-double hockey sticks am I supposed to do with that?

Sincerely,

Your little sister, Melissa

P.S. Mom should have named me Elizabeth like she wanted and not let Dad name me after his old girlfriend.